~*~

Just watched a documentary on the sex trafficking in the US and now one on Neo-Nazis. Disgusted, disgusted, disgusted. Not that it's anything new, but every time I hear this shit I feel sick. Ugh.

I should really be finishing up this reading for class.

Yesterday while trying to dye my hair pink I managed to bleach it all instead. Um, oops? I should not be bleach blond. Attempting pink now.

Same old, same old. Extremely bored. Feeling trapped. Hopeless. When will I be able to get myself out of this rut?

R.I.P. Pecos 9/25/09








Got the call from my mom right after I got to work yesterday. Apparently he pushed open the door, ran outside, and got hit by a car. The vet couldn't save him. He was so young, hardly even a year. Hanna drove me home and I spent the day randomly breaking down into tears. I don't know. I feel so horrible, especially for my mom. She got frustrated with him a lot, but he was her baby. I hate that I didn't get to spend much time with him. I hate all this pain. Just days after Angela and her Mom's dog died, too. That fourth picture is the last picture I took of him.

I just don't know.

We never are what we intend, or invent
Cause I make little lies and then I pull them apart
Think something dark’s living down in my heart

I don't know how things got to be this way, but I'm skeptical as to if they can be repaired.




One obstacle after another.

"Love your other how they need to be loved, not how you need to be."

As convenient as working at school is, it sucks that I never got away from the place all summer and now classes are starting again... Where did my summer go? It hardly even -felt- like summer, especially due to the weather. Today feels like fall and usually I love this weather, but not when it's been cold all summer. Ick. 4 months until Christmas...! I am not ready for winter.

Though I had a lot to say and maybe I do, but I don't know how.

I feel the need for a total revamp... of my house, me, my life. If only money permitted me to throw everything out and start anew...

Can this week just be over, now? Please?

Uhhhhhhhh, this whole laptop thing will take some getting used to. Especially the whole Mac part. I fail at new things.

I suppose I'll learn to love it, but atm I feel like I'm... just kinda flailing around.

Maybe that applies to more than just my laptop.

I don't know what I'm even saying. Good night.

At work, feeling jittery, probably the coffee. Starting this week I'm working 10 more hours a week (start hour earlier/stay hour later) to finish this project(basically: measure/count everything on all 4 floors of the Union- walls, picture frames, doors so we can figure out how long it takes to clean everything?), but Hanna's not here so working on reports/messing with setting on my temporary new work computer. Yay for not having to steal Hanna's.

Things are ok, I think. The same old problems are still there, but then there's also the good. Usually when I say that, things go downhill. I don't know. I think I am happy.

Though I remembered it the beginning of this month, July 14th would of came and went without notice had Tony not texted me asking if I noticed the date. I suppose it really doesn't hold any significance anymore. "Would have been 6 years" doesn't mean much when we've been apart for... 10 months...? now.

Excited to be getting my MacBook within the next month. Anxiously awaiting more info to be posted about the winter break study abroad to South Africa that I'm hoping to do. Considering adopting a hamster but afraid Sephy might eat him. Haven't post in forever, but have been keeping up on everyone's posts even though I never comment. The end.

Spent the day in IL with Elias yesterday which was quite fun (as you can tell from my retarded grins in most of the the pictures of me -.-;) Woke up early, went to some little bakery while waiting for Walgreens to open and got wiggly bread and a pig cookie (idk their real names >.>) XD Then headed to Elias's sister and her boyfriend's farm, and I rode a horse aka just sat on it because when Elias rode it, the horse started galloping around the field so I was too freaked out to actually try riding xD

Wandered around taking pictures and playing wif the animals~ Went to Gurnee Mills, did some shopping, ate at Rainforest Cafe which was pretty cool because I haven't been there since... I don't even remember :O Hung around the mall for bit (people watching ftw!... or more like "20" watching for Elias...), met up again with his sister and her bf again~ Got pizza for dinner and rented Role Models and Taken, <3ed them both. Elias thinks we should get into LARPing... >_>; Idk, but I totally wanted to be Augie's Big ;_; Headed back home and I was exhausted, but it was a good day~!

( I, as usual, took a bajillionty pictures @_@ )

Today = lazzzyyyy day. Tomorrow I think I'm alone at work since I think Hanna asked off... hopefully that goes okay. I am feeling... I don't know. Restless.

( My brain is sort of all over the place, so bear with me. )

Drama, drama. I'm pretty much over everything, just sad at the hurt this caused people. Things can probably be worked out... once everything cools down a bit. Too lazy to deal with it anymore right now.

So I was minding my own business (exping my BST!) last night and somehow ended up on an adventure xD Elias, Dina, and Dina's BF and came by and we stopped by Unity Fest(?) or something (I <3 fairs/festivals :D) and then to a "surprise" for me... which ended up being some club >.> Hurr, hurr, I don't dance, don't do well in uncomfortable situations... yeahhhh. That was... interesting! Good people watching though, when I could convince Elias that I didn't want to keep trying to dance and would rather sit down @_@ Came to the conclusion I need to get a small digital camera for when I don't want to bring my SLR, because while my camera phone is better than my previous one, it fails in low light. ( Some of the pictures anyways )

I am so fucking sick of this bullshit.





[No one knows me well enough to try and dictate how my relationships should go. If my relationship is not meant to be then it will END, I do not need someone to try to "help" end it. Especially when I am HAPPY with how things are.

And people need to calm down, threatening to send 100 people to beat someone up isn't helpful. It may be "sneaky" vs. "honest", but if he truly thought what he was doing was "right", than that has to be taken into account. No, that doesn't make it right in any way, but people think in different ways.

And I need to stop being such a pussy and tell people stuff to their face.]

This week is going slow. I don't think I am cut out for this job; I don't like communicating with people. I just wanna work with everyone else on project work. Maybe it'll get better once I learn "everything", but right now I just do not feel comfortable. Today was not so bad, Hanna and I got to plant flowers with a girl from mech. services... but I just feel out of place. Mehhhh.

( Flowers we planted, cleaning, walk home )

I am feeling restless and the weather is so nice and... yeah, I don't really know where I was going with that. I really want to re-decorate my apartment but I just don't have any space to do anything and am too cheap. Sometimes I really wish I had roommates, but I know I would get annoyed. I don't even know. My brain is a million different places and I really can't make much sense of anything.

My neighbors are once again being drunk and screaming/shrieking, and I am really hoping the new people that move-in in a month-ish are not louder than them. It makes it frustrating when I can hear, perfectly clear, every single word they speak through the wall/vent... and everything is "fucking awesome" or "fucking gay" or it's "no fucking way" and I just... no. Just be quiet ._.;

Mmm, as usual most pictures are on FB, but posting ( a few here anyways )

Cat is in Florida with his Dad and brother until Sunday, and last I saw him was a week ago after ACEN. And he has no phone, so I have no real contact with him at this week... unless I try to go through his brother, which won't work. Bah. I know I'm clingy, but two weeks is too long ;_; Especially while I'm being panic-y that something will happen while he's there, and blah blah I'm obnoxious. Ugh.

I start that new position at work tomorrow, which should be... something. Why did I agree to a job that involves phones and people and other things that generally make me uncomfortable? Hopefully it would be okay and I won't freak out. Even thought I already am -.-;

Feel kind of shitty, probably from what Tony always called "post-acen depression", but I guess it's just me going back to my normal self. Really though, spend a year anticipating, a weekend removed from reality- dressed up as someone else, surrounded by thousands of, mostly, fun people (Over 14k attendees... 16k including guest/staff/press)-, and then come back to everyday life where everything seems so... meh... is just that: meh. It's weird and pathetic but I really just don't feel well. Plus it doesn't help that Cat is going on vacation for a week and I'm already feeling lonely ._.

Anyways, so yeah, Acen was rather good, though it had it's ups and downs. Got to spend a lot of time with Cat, met Satabi and Mizumi, even hung out with Tony for a bit without incident. I also have the greatest mom ever. Reason #439423748923: I left my camera battery at home, and she drove us around trying to find a new one AND THEN when we couldn't, she drove all the way home to get me mine. Omg ;_;

Hmmm, got my own room with Cat this year which was cool :3 Were a lot of Yoko cosplayers, which was not cool -.-; Ummmmm rick rollin', Cat and Sata playing magic, no Jin's :(, blah blah lots of stuff~ I won a cute baby Chocobo from the FFXI panel, omg!

I really did not take many for me) pictures this year, which was weird. A majority of them are on facebook:
Friday's Pictures
Saturday's Pictures
Sunday's Pictures

Annndd looking through some videos from this year on youtube, I thought these two were ( pretty good at giving a feeling of acen )

So~ That's that, and the weekend went by too fast :( Portfolio pick-up for photo and print lab clean-up tomorrow, art history exam Friday, and then I am done with this semester. And possibly starting my new position at work next week? Eh.

Eeeeeeeeep, I lied, because now I'm excitedexciteddd for ACEN or maybe excited because my last day of school is tomorrow or maybe both~ And I am skipping my last class so we can leave early and hurray! But sadly I have no one to geek out with over this, so it's kinda lame. And I know I shouldn't be getting excited because I don't think this year is going to go well for multiple reasons, but whatever. YEAH.

Tonight is usually the night I'm at home cramming to get everything done but we finished everything this weekend and now all I have to do it pack :( And go to work/school tomorrow, bah.

Ummm yep! Hopefully get some nice pictures, meet Sata and Miz, buy random shit, and just have a nice weekend? *fingers crossed*!

Oh. My. God. My slaving over garbage cans apparently paid off as today they offered me the clerics position (*insert game reference here lololz*) for the summerrrrrr. Basically receptionist/John and Steve's bitch, but I'm pretty excited and nervous and omg I get to order things and type things and get a raise and yay. YAY.

Weird people at work this week:

- Lady (possibly homeless) follows me into the bathroom as I'm about to clean it, sits down in one of the stalls and starts doing her business WITH THE STALL DOOR OPEN and she's making noises and omg. No. Why. MY EYES. WHY???

- No dressing room in the school store? NO PROBLEM. Girl taking off her pants in the middle of the store trying on some sweat pants MULTIPLE TIMES. Really? @_@;


Met two of the three new people we hired. Both seem pretty cool. I think Elias and I would have fun with the one I met today like we did with Dustin, bahhh :[

( Pics )

I feel like ass and it probably doesn't help that the weather got nice then went back to shitty and my apartment is freezing cold. Nothing done for ACEN still, haven't been dieting or exercising or obsessing like I usually do before it. Feel like a huge blob of... blobbyness and I just can't find it in me to care. That much. I don't know. I care and don't eat and then I just feel like shit and bury myself in junk food.

Positives: Good weekend with Cat, Death Cab show Sunday was awesome, nominated for some student worker award thing, school is almost over kinda, came to work today to find a Piplup plushie in my locker. Ugh, work's fucking lame without Elias, and I have Josias but we don't have a route together so it's not the same. I guess I am working at school over summer and I guess I am staying at my current apartment. Fuck, this is supposed to be the positive section.

Things are not really bad but I just feel like shit and I hate that I get like this all the time.